I got a text from a number I never thought I’d see on my phone again. Three simple words and that was it, I was in tears. No, not an ex boyfriend or an ex lover, but an ex best friend. 6 years of friendship gone because of matters I can’t even explain because they don’t even make sense to me. It sucks seeing her in the halls and not running up to her and hugging her and telling her how sorry I am for everything, tell her how much I miss her and need her in my life. I wanted to swallow my pride and just say she was right about everything, but she wasn’t and I needed to stand up for myself. I would say that’s why we stopped being friends, because I wouldn’t let her push me around anymore but she would say differently.
All I want is my best friend back. We haven’t talked in almost two months. It’s been hard but I’ve gotten through it. I’m stuck. I don’t know if I should try and work things out and see if we can become friends again or leave it where it is? No doubt things would never be the same…but having her back in my life would be better than having her as a stranger.
Normally, I would go to her with these types of things…but now it’s about HER.
I’m failing almost all of my classes. I don’t have a job, don’t have a license. Summer is coming up real quick, so that means my fat ass needs to lose some fucking weight.
I love all my friends and boyfriend dearly, but I’ve been putting them first for far too long and neglecting myself. It’s time I start focusing on me.
So that means, instead of fucking around after school with my boyfriend and his friends, I need to stay for tutorials. I need to start running every night, eating healthier and doing crunches before bed and when I wake up. I need to apply at every possible place till I get hired and I need to somehow find a way to get my license quick.
It’s not gonna be easy, but it’s way overdue. I want to have a good summer and a fantastic Senior year with my friends. And in order to do that, I need to get my shit together and grow up. I turn 18 in less than a few months and then I’m legally an adult.
I’m changing but for the better and if anyone doesn’t like that….well go fuck yourself.